“AGVA is the entertainment union that represents performers in circuses, cabarets, dance revues, comedy showcases, magic shows, and theme park shows,” Trent explained. “And we believe that the students of this school district should be a part of our union because they too are performers.”
“Every year these students perform on the state tests,” Trent continued. “They perform very well on the tests too. And you people all take credit for it. Some of you even receive bonuses based on their scores. It’s obvious that their performances benefit the teachers, administrators, and this school board. But all the students get is a pat on the head. We believe that these performers should be paid, and paid well.”
“But the students get to demonstrate minimal competency on these tests,” board member Fred Furnley argued. “Who wouldn’t want to do that? These tests have real benefits for the students.”
“Real benefits?” Jimmy Preston countered. “Are you kidding? Do you have any idea what rich, deep, and meaningful learning we’ve sacrificed to do drill and practice for your state tests? All we do is test practice, test practice, test practice. We practice test-taking skills instead of doing real learning. The truth is, you big shots are the organ grinders and the students are just your test-taking-skill monkeys.”
“Now wait a minute,” board member Helen Perkel interrupted.
“Unless you recognize AGVA and the students’ rights to collective bargaining,” Preston continued, “and then negotiate a working agreement with us….”
“Are you kidding?” Perkel interrupted again. “You are students and this is a public school district. You can’t have a union. We can’t pay you for taking state tests.”
“As I was saying,” Preston continued. “Unless you recognize our right …”
“Then what are you going to do? Are you going to go on strike?” Furnley demanded. “You can’t do that. You have to take the tests. It’s state law!”
“We will answer incorrectly,” Preston replied. “We will skip items. We will leave incomplete erasures, and we will make stray marks.”
“STRAY MARKS?” Furnley boomed. “HOW DARE YOU? That does it! Now we’re talking LOCKOUT!”
And that’s it this week from Fuddle River Schools.
Top Ten Most Frustrating Things about this Winter
10. You still remember a time when being outdoors didn’t hurt.
9. When you’re done shoveling at home, you just stick the shovel in a snow bank – and, because of subsequent snows, you’ve already lost eight shovels this year.
8. To fight off the chill in your classroom, you rub your hands together, and your hands are so dry your students complain about the noise.
7. Between salting and sanding and ice-chopping and shoveling, your front sidewalk at home has become your second full-time job.
6. The apparently permanent mitten-configuration of your hands interferes with both your handwriting and your keyboarding.
5. When you send the students out to the buses, each has to carry a tall orange flag – just in case a city snow plow passes by.
4. When you mention “recess,” all of your students groan.
3. Every time there’s a fire drill, students search for the “cozy fire.”
2. On the icy sidewalk on the way to your car this morning, you did another fantastic “triple-toe-loop-triple-Lutz – double-Salchow” combination.
1. You still can’t figure out how to get your pants on over your snowshoes.
Braindon comes up with a simple and catchy name for his blog.
Dimmy creates a new blog every time he wants to post because he can’t remember any of his previous usernames or passwords.
Braindon has devised such a clear and engaging blog design that most visitors feel compelled to read and respond.
Dimmy has devised such a rude and befuddling design that most visitors are left with the web equivalent of motion sickness.
Braindon blogs regularly about what he’s reading and what he’s learning.
Dimmy blogs about having to blog, not liking to blog, not liking to read others’ blogs, not liking to comment on others’ blogs, and the “stupidness” of the word “blog.”
Braindon takes time to read and respectfully comment on others’ blog posts.
Dimmy has become a famous font critic.
Braindon is careful not to use the kinds of humor that might not come across as intended on the web.
Dimmy types his bitterly sarcastic remarks in all caps.
Braindon imbeds video of important news stories in his blog posts for reference.
Dimmy imbeds a funny video of an outrageous pratfall in his blog as a symbolic reference to his own academic standing.
Braindon regularly and frequently updates his blog and responds to comments.
Dimmy thinks to himself about his blog and then says out loud, “Naaaah,” before he gets back to his video game.