The idea behind "Bring your Inner Child to Work Day" was to rejuvenate the sometimes boring and staid atmosphere of the district office during the slower and quieter summer weeks. The day also promised to provide perspective about the young people whose educations we are helping to facilitate.
There were several memorable highlights to the day. District director of curriculum Thomas Harrison instigated a paper wad fight at a morning meeting that ended with a raucous round of name-calling.
Heather Lemke, administrative assistant to the superintendent, spent most of her day applying make-up and looking in her mirror. She tattled several times and cried about how her hair looked all afternoon.
Technology specialist Phillip Berger engaged buildings and grounds supervisor Hal Breske in a playfight over coffee and both enjoyed themselves until Berger accidentally caught Breske with a hard right hand to the ear. Breske then chased Berger through the building for over twenty minutes until he finally cornered him near the copy room and dropped him with a shot to the abdomen.
Rose Merchant, the district's assistant superintendent in charge of testing and data, spent most of the day writing and passing notes. She was busy penning nasty messages about everyone on the administrative team until she discovered that her assistant had folded the entire set of last year's test score printouts into origami animal shapes. Strong words were exchanged, followed by a threat from Merchant that she would get the assistant after lunch. Her assistant then rallied the janitorial team to her side and the lunchtime confrontation was averted.
Merchant resumed her threats later when she discovered that her purse was being used for a football game in the second floor hallway. She jumped into the game and did manage to recover her purse, but was sent home early with a bad rug burn.
Tom Timken, the director of human resources, spent most of the morning playing with toys he brought from home. He was visibly shaken when, upon returning from a bathroom break, found several of his action figures missing heads and limbs. He ran about the building hurling accusations until lunch, when he discovered most of the missing parts in the lounge refrigerator. He reassembled his toys, but refused to share for the rest of the day.
Henry Polson, director of staff development, spent most of the morning picking his nose, and then wet his pants in the afternoon.
Mindy Richart's lunchtime tantrum was enjoyed by all. She received special kudos for writhing on the floor and repeating the same statement over and over with coordinated foot stomps and dramatic head shakes.
Jeffrey Hodgeson, tired from a morning of saying "I know you are, but what am I?" rallied in the afternoon by singing a number of off-color songs and telling a series of potty jokes.
Richard Chambers skateboarded through the building all morning, and enjoyed an afternoon of quieter play until he got a small Lego piece stuck in his right ear and had to be taken to the local urgent care clinic.
The transportation office staff spent the morning complaining to anyone who would listen that they were bored. The complaining abated in the afternoon when they discovered the play value offered by a bag of rubber bands and a box of paper clips.
An afternoon dodgeball game was marred early by a series of arguments regarding head shots and then seemed to go smoothly until a kicked ball instigated a soccer game and several players dropped out.
A flushed cell phone on the second floor resulted in a round of blaming and tattling that lasted the entire day.
Parent involvement coordinator Patricia Witton spent most of the day making crank calls from her office phone. She missed the end of the day party because, according to her, there were still a few parents she had been unable to reach.
The cake throwing incident at the end of the day party was actually instigated by the superintendent who took offense at someone remarking that he really didn't look like he needed any more cake. Most reported enjoying the cake fight, except for Frances Jordan who was bruised when hit with one of the hard sugar roses from the cake. After a bout of crying, name-calling, and tattling, she reported that she was feeling much better.
The board is now planning for a fall "Bring your Inner Child to Work Day" for staff and faculty for each of the schools.
And that's it this week from Fuddle River Schools.
Top Ten Signs a Summer School Student is "Off-Task"10. When you stop by her desk to check her work, she covers her computer and says, "What I'm writing is none of your business."
9. Every time you walk by, she uses her reflection in your eyeglasses to adjust her make-up.
8. His computer home page is a site that sneaks around the district filter to youtube.
7. The student in front of her has had the back of her shirt stapled to her chair.
6. He straps on a Breathe Right nasal strip, leans back, and closes his eyes.
5. After scanning The Daily Racing Form website, she asks to use your phone.
4. The only sheet of paper on his desk has been neatly folded into a triangular football.
3. You hear him ask around, "Hey, does the dealer have to hit on seventeen?"
2. She returns your whiteboard markers, and you notice that her finger and toenails now feature the colors of the rainbow.
1. Your classroom furniture is falling apart and you keep hearing the sound of a cordless screwdriver coming from his desk.
Signs Students are Eating in Your Classroom- They show up for class with napkins tucked under their chins.
- You know they won't talk with their mouths full, and they've been very quiet all week.
- They keep asking you to replace the classroom box of facial tissues with a box of wet wipes.
- They arrange themselves in class according to dietary restrictions.
- They don't pass notes. They exchange recipes.
- They never hurry off at lunch time because they're already full.
- You can't get up and down the aisles because of the beverage carts.
- You've had to employ the Heimlich maneuver three times this week.
- No one ever has an extra pen or pencil to loan, but there are always plenty of plastic sporks.
- You keep getting requests for hall passes to the school nurse's office for Tums.
- At the end of the period, they all stand and brush themselves off.
- On their way out of the classroom, they all pass by your desk looking for toothpicks and breath mints.
Top Ten Reasons the Copy Machine Jammed on Your Job10. Blue paper makes it sad.
9. It heard about how you talked to your computer.
8. It's trying to save you from the three embarrassing typos on your original.
7. Collating on a nearly empty paper tray made it dizzy.
6. It wants a long extension cord and a chance to work outside today.
5. It can't remember if you said "sort," "stack," or "shred."
4. It would prefer to produce only original works.
3. The new toner gives it gas.
2. It's developed an allergy to goldenrod.
1. It has an itch at location F3 and it wants you to scratch it.
The Brown Pelican
Ms. Harper - I have revised my short animal report as instructed. I added the footnotes you told me that I had to have. I hope that this report is finally done. Jeremy
The Brown Pelican
The Brown Pelican is the smallest of the pelicans, but it is still a large bird. Brown Pelicans weigh between 6-12 lbs. To be fully cooked at that weight, each pelican would need to cook for at least three hours in a 350 degree oven.(1) And they taste just like chicken.(2)
A wonderful bird is the pelican. His beak can hold more than his belly can. He can hold in his beak food enough for a week.(3)
Brown Pelicans often travel in single file, flying low over the water's surface to avoid radar.(4) All Brown Pelicans speak Pelicanese, but some speak English with a salty British accent.(5)
The Brown Pelican dives for fish from the air and sometimes spends hours underwater visiting with square sponges, sea stars, and squids.(6)
Brown Pelicans nest on the ground on in low trees. They usually live in groups and the peer pressure of the group sometimes gets them in trouble. Some pelicans have been known to walk into bars and to order drinks.(7)
Live pelicans have been netted by overall-wearing men with facial hair until a heroic man from Lost Forest freed himself from his ropes and surprised the bad men into saying "What th-?!" and then punched them in their faces.(8) The bad men should have known that Pelicans are protected by the Migratory Bird Treaty Act of 1918.(9)
The Brown Pelican is the state bird of Louisiana but pelicans do not play baseball there. A group of pelicans play baseball in the professional baseball's Carolina League. Their team is a Class A affiliate of the Atlanta Braves.(10) They lead the league in fielding (11) and it is probably because of their voluminous (12) beaks.
I like Brown Pelicans and I hope someday to fly with them over the waves when I get my pilot's license and if I ever pass this assignment and graduate from school.(13) The End.
1. Joy of Cooking.
2. Everything tastes just like chicken.
3. My dad told me that.
4. I made that up.
6. "Spongebob Squarepants."
7. Part of a long joke told to me by my friend Donnie.
8. "Mark Trail" comic strip.
12. Roget's Thesaurus.
13. In my dreams.